I Ditched Birth Control (But It’s Not Why You Think)

So, I’ve been stewing about this post for awhile. It’s probably a bit TMI for some folks, and for that I apologize.

However, something has come to light in my life that I’d like to share.

I’ve been married for more than eight years, and before that, I never had a reason to take birth-control pills (go ahead and draw your own conclusions there). I started the daily regimen soon before my wedding day, and I was religious about staying on schedule, except for when we wanted nature to take its course, of course.

My understanding of the Pill was this: The hormones produced by the medication stop ovulation, so the sperm doesn’t have an egg to party with and, therefore, a baby isn’t conceived. Easy and guilt free. I was relieved it wasn’t the “abortion pill,” which, after conception, prevents the embryo from embedding in the uterus. That, I am positive, is an actual abortion. But if a medication simply stops the sperm-egg meet cute from happening in the first place? I didn’t have a problem with that.

EDIT: Apparently, I’ve been misinformed about the “morning-after pill” as well. It’s basically a suped-up regular pill that sends a ton of hormones to also prevent ovulation. It can also fail and has to use back-up measures to prevent implantation after the egg is fertilized. So, it has the same issues. And, frankly, it sounds even less nice to the woman’s body.

And, until about a month ago, I was plodding along on my medically induced path of no-more-children. But then, my husband sent me a text.

IMG_0615

I couldn’t come up with a photo for this post, so here I am with Olivia in all my motherhooding glory. She wasn’t having a great time…

Now, remember that my husband is a biologist, and while that doesn’t make him all-knowing, he has a decent grip on many, many areas, especially in the scientific fields. I’ve been with the man for a decade, and I’m still regularly impressed by what comes out of his brain.

He started doing a little extra research on birth-control pills, and what he found–or rather, didn’t find–greatly affected our lives.

There isn’t any 100% guarantee that hormonal birth control completely prevents ovulation. This means there is always the slightest, slimmest possibility that an egg is released, a sperm unites with the egg, and an embryo is conceived. Now, the Pill has some back-up measures that make the uterus’ lining inhospitable for the developing embryo, so a pregnancy isn’t guaranteed–or even likely–to happen.

However.

If, going back to the workings of the “morning-after pill,” I believe wholeheartedly an abortion happens when an embryo is prevented from embedding in the uterus, then I can’t guarantee that hormonal birth control is protecting us from this exact situation.

And, frankly, I can’t live with that. I can’t risk the possibility that a teeny, tiny child of mine was conceived but not allowed to grow.

Now, I’m not adopting the mindset that we should just have unprotected sex and God will give us babies whenever everything falls into place. I’m simply taking responsibility for my actions as a former birth-control user. Clearly, the 100% guarantee of not reproducing is to avoid sex altogether. As that tends to lead away from happy marriages, we’re looking at other solutions. And, hey, if we end up with an unexpected pregnancy, God will walk us through that situation then. It wouldn’t be a big surprise to Him.

I’ll wrap this up by explaining why I’m writing.

Frankly, I’m mad. I’m mad that I wasn’t told the whole truth in the beginning of my birth-control saga. And I’m mad that I carry that burden of a potentially lost child. I don’t believe I should live under that guilt, and I’m choosing to live free in Christ instead. We’ve been convicted by the Holy Spirit, and now we’re changing our plan. However, a piece of my heart is still cracked at the potential.

I just want to share this with my little corner of the world. Maybe this doesn’t convict you. If so, just keep on keeping on, friend. Seriously. I’m not going to judge you. But I want to share what I’ve seen revealed as truth. Pro-life is pro-life, friends.

For more Mama, follow me on Twitter and Instagram.

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