Great Ideas The World Needs To Hear*

So, we’ve known each other for awhile now, so I’ve decided to share something with you. I’ve been compiling a list of ah-mazing ideas–even some money-making ideas–and I think it’s time to share them with the world.

Also, I’m extremely disappointed in the rest of humanity that no one has capitalized on these ideas. Since no one has shown the same level of brilliance as my own mind, I’ve decided to give any entrepreneurial spirits a nudge with my list.

Here we go.

Average Joe in the Olympics
So, I may have derived this idea from a social-media meme, but since it hasn’t been put into action, I’m giving it a second shout out. This would be the perfect opportunity for Pepsi, Coke, or Nike to have a contest, then sponsor some schmo to “compete” (vaguely participate) in Olympic events. It would be amazing!

We Americans love reality shows, so we’d all be glued to the TV for weeks before the Olympics began. We’d fall in love with the guy’s (let’s just assume it’d be a man) story, his family, his completely average lifestyle. Then, he’d mug for the camera in some foreign country as he stands in his swim shorts next to the insanely ripped, Speedo-wearing Olympic swimmers. They all get on the blocks, and, boom! Average Joe tries his best, but ultimately gives the world a realistic perspective of how fast those athletes can skim through the water. Otherwise, I get really judgy about the athlete who comes in last place. I mean, he must still be phenomenal, right?

I’m thinking this would work for swimming, track, or any other non-team sports. Though, to be honest, an average-Joe baton pass would be amazing. PEOPLE WOULD WATCH THE MESS OUT OF THIS! And hasn’t the Olympics been struggling in popularity in more recent years anyway?

A real-life Candy Land
Y’all. I’m a little miffed that no one has figured this one out. America has German-themed towns, Santa-Claus-themed cities, and Old-West haunts. Why is there no Candy Land? The possibilities are limitless!

Our wedding reception was candy themed. Around the room, we had an ice cream bar, cookie table, and “man-food” table to combat the sugar. Even our centerpieces were made of candy…

My husband and I discussed this at length during our last road trip. Someone needs to find a smallish, struggling town and pitch this idea. Rename all streets to something ridiculously sweet. Line downtown with every shop from ice cream to chocolate to specialty popcorn. Oh, and snow cones! And cupcakes! And bakeries! And maybe toss in a nut or beef jerky shop so people don’t go absolutely insane. Get that salty/sweet working!

After one Buzzfeed feature, this town’s tourism would erupt! There could be a themed hotel. A day spa with chocolate treatments. Artwork made out of jelly beans and M&Ms. And think of the festivals! Halloween, Christmas, Easter, Valentine’s DAY. 

In the words of my husband, “Why has no one monetized this idea yet?” A question for the ages, man friend.

The perfect mom hangout spot
As I excitedly explained this idea to my husband, he pinpointed that what I actually want is “forced socialization.” However! I don’t think I’m the only one. About every week, a fellow mom posts on a mom Facebook group about how she needs mom friends and is anyone free? Therefore, we need a secret clubhouse, ladies.

I know there are all-female gyms, and that’s a nice start. But I think we can do better. Imagine with me: A full gym (complete with childcare, of course) with workout classes. A cafe with comfy seating and a delicious lunch menu. Periodic events such as spa treatments or DIY classes. Areas specifically for “Moms of Littles!” or “Moms of Tweens!”, so you won’t have to awkwardly wonder where your people are. Also, no pyramid-scheme sales pitches allowed. Sigh. Doesn’t it sound glorious?

Movie time for stay-at-home mamas
Now that the kiddos are in preschool, I have some routine free hours to myself. It occurred to me that I could go see a movie! All by myself! Then I realized that movie theaters don’t routinely open at 9:30 a.m. Bummer.

However…they do during the summer! Why can’t this be a year-round thing? I’m not asking for the latest releases, as that seems a bit impractical. But what if once a month they showed something like Never Been Kissed? Or 13 Going on 30? If they sold Magnum ice cream bars and supplied Godiva chocolates, and if we weren’t shushed when quoting or chatting through the movie, it would be ah-mazing! Oh! Or what if there was a singalong? To be honest, I’d show up for a Frozen singalong with a bunch of moms (and maybe a mimosa…). Or what about GreaseAladdin?! What a fun way to meet local moms! During the summer, those kid movie tickets were free and popcorn was $1. Can’t we pay like $5 for similar treatment?

So, my ideas are obviously golden. I give you permission to take them, especially if you plan on starting any of them near me. Especially that Frozen singalong, y’all. I know I’ve taken issue with that plot-hole-riddled movie in the past, but I’m willing to overlook it, especially if you feed me Godivas.

*I have one requirement. If you steal any of these ideas, I demand a bronze plaque in my honor.

Currently Reading
Y’all, I couldn’t finish The Selection. I always feel a smidge guilty when I purposely lose my place and close the cover before the end, but there are too many other books on my to-be-read list. So! A friend recommended The Andari Chronicles by Kenley Davidson, which are only in ebook format (and free through Kindle Unlimited). They’re well-written, rewritten fairy tales, and the first, titled, Traitor’s Masque, gives a different version of CinderellaI read it in about two days and have moved onto Goldheart, a retelling of Rumpelstiltskin. I’m a definite fan.

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