You Might Be Social Distancing If…

OK, are we on week three or four? My husband and I discussed this over takeout Italian, but we couldn’t come to a quick conclusion. I think we’re starting week four?

You know, I’ve left the house a handful of times (grocery store, bank drive-thru, restaurant pick-up), but the only thing outside our house my children have seen is the Chick-fil-a drive-thru. Weirdly, they still don’t seem to notice.

About a week ago (I think? What day is today?), I started a list in the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck” schtick.

And so, you might be social distancing if…

  1. Your husband puts on real clothes in the morning. It’s the sure-fire sign he has a video meeting with his boss. On your in-bedroom computer. So you should slink out of bed now so the boss doesn’t see you.
  2. Your dryer is full of wrinkled work clothes because you dig past them to find yoga pants and shlubby T-shirts.
  3. Your to-be-read (TBR) book pile gets a lot more attention now that libraries are closed.
  4. At the bank drive-thru, you gaze longingly as the middle-aged man in the truck next to you because you may just start up a conversation. After all, extroverts need attention too!
  5. Your house smells like coffee 24/7. And, unfortunately, you aren’t one of those “I don’t like the taste, but I love the smell!” people, so you’re tired of smelling the burnt garbage water your husband needs throughout the workday.
  6. You think you’re pulling off that “natural beauty” look, as you haven’t worn make up for three weeks…until you see your face in a Zoom video chat.

What else can you add to my list, reader? You might be social distancing if… (let me know in the comments below!)

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Currently Reading:
The Wooden Prince by John Claude Bemis – I attended one of Mr. Bemis’ workshops at an SCBWI writers’ conference last year. He gave such a fantastic presentation and great advice that I bought his retelling of Pinocchio. It’s been sitting in my TBR pile ever since, so now is the perfect time to give it a try.

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